Expected vs Different

The idea

Some children build a very strong picture of how something should look or happen. When the real thing doesn’t match — a red cushion where the green one always is — their brain can read the mismatch as “wrong, change it back”. This game practises, while calm, noticing “what I expected” and “what happened” as two separate things, without jumping to “what happened is wrong”.

What it is not

It is not a way to convince an upset child that a change doesn’t matter. It is also not an obedience game: about one in five situations is a real problem that needs help, and some need checking with a grown-up — a different adult at pick-up is never “just different”.

Ask

“Does something need fixing, or can it stay different?”

The model

1. I expected…
2. But… (what happened)
3. Is different okay here?

At home — short words when it’s hard

• “You expected the green cushion.”
• “Today it’s red.”
• “That’s different from what you expected.”
• “You’re frustrated because it wasn’t what you expected.”
• “Does something need fixing, or can it stay different?”
• “What stayed the same?”

When your child is very upset, say less. One short line, then wait. Avoid long explanations or a debate about whether the change matters — come back to it when everyone is calm.

Good to know

• Nothing is scored or saved. Needing another look is part of the game — after a couple of tries the answer is shown and explained.
• The feelings question has no right answer. Every feeling is accepted, and the game never says a feeling is too big.
• Food choices stay your child’s. The game never says they have to eat something different.
• This is an educational resource, not therapy or medical advice.