Space and asking first

What this pack teaches

Two rules, both concrete: ask before you touch somebody or take their things, and stop the moment they say stop. Both apply to grown-ups in the room as well.

This is the pack that is not really about play. A child who learns that their no is listened to at home, over tickling and hugs and their own hands, has the beginning of something that matters far beyond the playground. It works in both directions: practising asking first is how a child finds out that other people's noes are real too. Keep it exactly this plain.

• Ask before you touch someone.
• Stop as soon as somebody says stop.
• Ask before you borrow something.
• You can say no without a reason.
• Check the answer before you carry on.

How to use this

• ·Sit next to your child rather than opposite them. This works best as a thing you do together, not a thing you set them.
• ·Read the speech bubbles aloud if that helps. Nothing here needs to be read independently.
• ·Talk about the picture before the buttons. “What's happening here?” is often more useful than the sorting itself.
• ·Five situations is a session. Stopping after two is a fine session too.

Practising away from the screen

• ·Ask before you touch your own child, out loud, where they can hear it. “Hug?” with your arms not yet out is the whole practice.
• ·Stop tickling the instant they say stop, every single time, even when they were laughing a second earlier. That one is the lesson; everything else is commentary.
• ·Give them a no to use on you. Offer a choice they can genuinely decline — a hug at bedtime, a hand held at the shops — and take the no without negotiating.

Things you can say in the moment

• “Ask her first. She might say no, and that is a real answer.”
• “She said stop, so the tickling stops now.”
• “You do not have to hug anyone. A wave is fine.”
• “Have you asked him yet? Wait for him to answer before you take it.”

What not to push

• ·A child never has to accept a hug, a kiss, a tickle or any other touch. That includes from grandparents, from you, and on days when they accepted it happily last week.
• ·No is a complete answer. A child does not owe anybody a reason for it, and being asked to justify a no teaches the opposite of this pack.
• ·“Stop” means stop straight away, every time, from everybody — including in a game that was fun ten seconds ago. There is no version of this that waits until the turn ends.

If this pack is hard today

If this one is hard, do the asking half only and leave the rest for another day. Practising “can I borrow that?” with a pencil on the kitchen table is a whole session, and it is the same skill.