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Feelings & Regulation

When I Do Not Win a Race or Prize

I run my hardest on sports day, but my friend gets the medal. How it might feel, and why trying still counts.

Let’s read it together

10 short pages · one idea on each

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For grown-ups

What this story teaches

That not winning a race or competition can feel really disappointing, that the feeling is allowed, and that effort still counts: look after the body, say how it feels, and — when ready — say “well done”.

When to use it

  • The week before sports day, a swimming carnival or a school competition.
  • After a prize or award went to someone else and your child was upset.
  • When your child refuses to take part in things they might not win.

For this story

  • Praise the effort you actually saw: “You kept running right to the end.”
  • Don’t rush “well done” to the winner — let the disappointment be felt first.
  • Crying after trying hard is okay; offer a drink, a rest and some quiet before talking.

How to use it

  • Read it together on a calm day, not mid-meltdown. In the hard moment itself, fewer words help more: stay close, keep everyone safe, and save the story for later.
  • Read it again just before a tricky moment you can see coming: on the way to the park, the night before a haircut.
  • Make it fit your child: skip pages, stop when they’ve had enough, swap a detail as you read so it matches your child’s day, or read only the “I can remember” card.
  • Add your child’s first name on the story’s opening page and it appears in a line or two. The name stays in this browser and is never sent anywhere.
  • Use the story’s words in real life (“No means not right now”), and model them when you hear “no” too.
  • Notice tries, not perfect calm. Big feelings are allowed; the story is about what to do with them.

Good to know

  • These stories are for everyday disappointments and changes. They never mean a child should put up with pain, fear, unsafe touch, bullying or anything that hurts — telling a trusted adult is always the right answer there.
  • Nothing here asks a child to make eye contact, hug anyone — family included — stop stimming or stop crying. Crying and moving are ways bodies cope, and headphones or a break are always allowed.
  • Where a story says a grown-up will do something — stop when a hand goes up, give a warning, keep a “later” spot — make sure it really happens, or change that page. A signal that isn’t honoured teaches a child their words don’t work.
  • The aim is understanding and choices, not a quiet or compliant child. Asking “why?”, saying no to touch and disagreeing in words are skills to welcome.
  • Visual stories help many children and not every child. Adapt, skip or change any page. This is an educational resource, not therapy or medical advice.

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