Joining a conversation
Two people are already talking. Your child works out which ways in leave room for them and which ones shut the door.
Two people are talking
Somebody wants to join in. Decide what each way in does.
For grown-ups
What this pack teaches
How to get into a conversation that is already running. It is about timing and topic, not about being bold enough to interrupt.
Joining is the hardest of the talking skills, because the conversation started without you and nobody explains what it is about. Most attempts that do not work are not about confidence — they are a child arriving with their own topic into one already running. Working out the topic before saying anything is most of the job, and that part can be practised.
- Find out the topic before you join.
- Stand where they can see you.
- Say something about what they just said.
- A brand new topic pushes people out.
- Asking straight out often works.
How to use this
- Sit next to your child rather than opposite them. This works best as a thing you do together, not a thing you set them.
- Read the speech bubbles aloud if that helps. Nothing here needs to be read independently.
- Talk about the picture before the buttons. “What's happening here?” is often more useful than the sorting itself.
- Five situations is a session. Stopping after two is a fine session too.
Practising away from the screen
- At the park, stand near a group with your child for a minute and work out together what they are talking about. Joining is optional.
- When two adults are talking at home, let your child practise coming in. Answer them properly when they do, so the practice pays.
- Watch a group scene in a film and pause it. Ask what somebody would have to say to join that particular conversation.
Things you can say in the moment
- They're talking about the swimming carnival — you could say you're in that one too.
- Wait until she finishes her sentence, then say “can I tell you something about that?”
- You could stand next to them and listen for a bit first. That counts as joining.
- “What are you two talking about?” is a real question, and people answer it.
What not to push
- Nobody has to join in. Standing nearby and listening is a whole way of being with people, and it is not a lesser one.
- Waiting a long time before saying anything is not hesitation to be trained out. Some children need the topic to settle first.
- A child who joins by talking about their own favourite thing is joining. This pack is about where that lands, never about the topic itself being a problem.
If this pack is hard today
Try the pack the other way round: you sort the cards out loud and let your child tell you if they agree. Joining is a lot to hold at once, and watching somebody else do it first is genuinely how it gets learned.
Nothing is counted
No marks, no tally, no percentage, nothing saved. A child who taps the other mat gets exactly the same screen as a child who did not, because the explanation is the point and the tap is only how they get to it.
Social situations depend on the people in them. Everything here is one common way things tend to go, not a rule — and a child who reads a situation differently from us may well be reading their own life correctly.
Social situations depend on the people in them. Everything here is one common way things tend to go, not a rule. This is an educational resource, not therapy or medical advice.