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Asking Before Taking Something

Roo Bloom · Social Stories · roobloom.com

  1. I need the red crayonI’m drawing a fire truck. I need the red crayon, but my friend has it.
  2. I might feel impatientI might feel impatient, or worried I won’t get a turn.
  3. They are using itMy friend is using the crayon. Taking it could upset them.
  4. My hands can waitMy hands can wait while I get ready to ask.

    I could try… Squeeze my hands, then let go · Count slowly · Do something else for a bit

  5. I can ask firstI can ask my friend if I can use it.

    I can say: “Can I use the red crayon, please?”

  6. Yes, no or laterThe answer might be yes, no, or later.
  7. If they say laterIf my friend says “later”, I can wait, or use orange for now.
  8. If they say noIf they say no, it’s their choice. I can ask my teacher for another one.

    I can say: “Is there another red crayon?”

  9. My things matter tooMy things matter too. Other people can ask me first.

    I can say: “Please ask first.”

  10. I can answer tooWhen someone asks me, I can say yes, no, or later too.
  11. I am learningI am learning to ask first, and to listen to the answer.

I can remember

  • My feelings are okay.
  • I can ask, “Can I use that?”
  • The answer might be yes, no or later.
  • My things matter too.
  • I can say yes, no or later too.
For grown-ups

What this story teaches

That things other people are using or own need a “yes” before we take them, that “yes”, “no” and “later” are all fair answers, and that the same is true the other way round: the child’s own things matter, and they can say “please ask first” and give their own answer.

When to use it

  • Before a playdate or group art time.
  • When grabbing toys or tablets is a frequent flashpoint between siblings.
  • After your child’s own things were taken without asking, to show their boundary counts too.

For this story

  • Honour your child’s “no” about their own special things — a small box of “not for sharing” toys before a playdate helps.
  • Model asking yourself: “Can I borrow your pencil?” and accept their answer.
  • Grabbing often comes from not knowing when a turn will come. Help the other child say “later” with a when: “after this page”.

How to use it

  • Read it together on a calm day, not mid-meltdown. In the hard moment itself, fewer words help more: stay close, keep everyone safe, and save the story for later.
  • Read it again just before a tricky moment you can see coming: on the way to the park, the night before a haircut.
  • Make it fit your child: skip pages, stop when they’ve had enough, swap a detail as you read so it matches your child’s day, or read only the “I can remember” card.
  • Add your child’s first name on the story’s opening page and it appears in a line or two. The name stays in this browser and is never sent anywhere.
  • Use the story’s words in real life (“No means not right now”), and model them when you hear “no” too.
  • Notice tries, not perfect calm. Big feelings are allowed; the story is about what to do with them.

Good to know

  • These stories are for everyday disappointments and changes. They never mean a child should put up with pain, fear, unsafe touch, bullying or anything that hurts — telling a trusted adult is always the right answer there.
  • Nothing here asks a child to make eye contact, hug anyone — family included — stop stimming or stop crying. Crying and moving are ways bodies cope, and headphones or a break are always allowed.
  • Where a story says a grown-up will do something — stop when a hand goes up, give a warning, keep a “later” spot — make sure it really happens, or change that page. A signal that isn’t honoured teaches a child their words don’t work.
  • The aim is understanding and choices, not a quiet or compliant child. Asking “why?”, saying no to touch and disagreeing in words are skills to welcome.
  • Visual stories help many children and not every child. Adapt, skip or change any page. This is an educational resource, not therapy or medical advice.