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When Something Cannot Go Back to How It Was

Roo Bloom · Social Stories · roobloom.com

  1. My favourite treeI love the big tree at the park.
  2. The tree is goneToday the tree is gone. It had to be cut down.
  3. I might feel sadI might feel sad, cross or confused.
  4. Some things can’t go backSome things can’t go back to how they were.
  5. Looking after my feelingsI can look after my sad feelings.

    I could try… Cry if I need to · Stay close to a grown-up · Hold my calm-down thing · Tell someone how I feel

  6. I can say I miss itI can tell Mum how I feel.

    I can say: “I miss the big tree.”

  7. It’s okay to miss itIt’s okay to miss something.
  8. I can remember itI can remember the tree in my own way.
  9. New things can feel familiarThe park is planting a new little tree.
  10. It gets easierEach time I visit, the new tree feels a bit more like mine.
  11. I can miss and still enjoyI can miss old things and still find new things to like.

I can remember

  • It’s okay to miss something.
  • I can say, “I miss it.”
  • I can remember it in my own way.
  • New things can feel special too.
For grown-ups

What this story teaches

That some changes are permanent, that missing how things were is allowed and even shows something mattered, and that new things can slowly become familiar. It gives the child ways to hold on: saying so, and remembering in their own way.

When to use it

  • After something familiar is gone for good — a tree, a playground, a friend who moved.
  • Before a haircut, a class change or a move, to name what will be different.
  • When your child keeps asking for things to “go back”, on a calm day.

For this story

  • Don’t rush to the bright side — say “I miss it too” first, then talk about the new thing.
  • Photos, drawings or keeping a small piece (a leaf, an old shoe) can help a child say goodbye.
  • For bigger losses — a pet, a person — this story is a start, not the whole conversation.

How to use it

  • Read it together on a calm day, not mid-meltdown. In the hard moment itself, fewer words help more: stay close, keep everyone safe, and save the story for later.
  • Read it again just before a tricky moment you can see coming: on the way to the park, the night before a haircut.
  • Make it fit your child: skip pages, stop when they’ve had enough, swap a detail as you read so it matches your child’s day, or read only the “I can remember” card.
  • Add your child’s first name on the story’s opening page and it appears in a line or two. The name stays in this browser and is never sent anywhere.
  • Use the story’s words in real life (“No means not right now”), and model them when you hear “no” too.
  • Notice tries, not perfect calm. Big feelings are allowed; the story is about what to do with them.

Good to know

  • These stories are for everyday disappointments and changes. They never mean a child should put up with pain, fear, unsafe touch, bullying or anything that hurts — telling a trusted adult is always the right answer there.
  • Nothing here asks a child to make eye contact, hug anyone — family included — stop stimming or stop crying. Crying and moving are ways bodies cope, and headphones or a break are always allowed.
  • Where a story says a grown-up will do something — stop when a hand goes up, give a warning, keep a “later” spot — make sure it really happens, or change that page. A signal that isn’t honoured teaches a child their words don’t work.
  • The aim is understanding and choices, not a quiet or compliant child. Asking “why?”, saying no to touch and disagreeing in words are skills to welcome.
  • Visual stories help many children and not every child. Adapt, skip or change any page. This is an educational resource, not therapy or medical advice.