Not getting what I expected

My toy isn't here

What happened

A shelf with an empty space in the middle where a toy usually sits

You wanted your digger. It isn't on the shelf.

What do you want to happen?

For the grown-up

Where the digger actually is changes what can be done, so find that out before offering anything else. A toy at nursery, a toy lent to a cousin and a toy in a box in the loft are three different afternoons.

Say what they wanted before you say what can happen. A child who is handed a solution first hears it as being told off.
The true thing beats the soothing thing. “The cup is in the wash” is something a child can be disappointed about and then get past.
Wanting the impossible thing is not a mistake. It is what they want, and this resource agrees with them before it says anything else.
It works far better on a calm day than in the middle of one. Going through it when nothing is happening is what makes the words available the next time something is.

This is a rehearsal tool, not an assessment, and it does not know your child. You decide whether what it says fits them — if a scenario is not right, close it and pick another.

You wanted your digger. It isn't on the shelf.

What do you want to happen?

Have my digger now — You wanted your digger, right now, in your hands.
Find out where it is — You want to know where your digger has gone.
Ask for it back — You'd like whoever has it to hand it back.
Not play at all — You didn't want to play without your digger.

Your digger is somewhere else right now. But somebody knows where it went.

What can we do about the digger?

Ask someone to look — Good idea. Grown-ups often know where things got put away. You could say: “Do you know where my digger is?”
Ask for it back — Good idea. Whoever borrowed it may not know you want it. You could say: “Can I have my digger back, please?”
Play with another toy — Okay. Another toy can have a turn while the digger's away.

The digger is somewhere else. We can find out where.

For the grown-up: Where the digger actually is changes what can be done, so find that out before offering anything else. A toy at nursery, a toy lent to a cousin and a toy in a box in the loft are three different afternoons.

All 33 situations