Waiting and sharing

Someone got it first

What happened

Another child holding the toy, with a boy watching

You went to get the toy. Another child picked it up first.

What do you want to happen?

For the grown-up

The wanting does not stop because somebody else got there first, and saying that out loud costs nothing. Say what he wanted before you suggest the asking. The request goes much better once he has been agreed with first.

Say what they wanted before you say what can happen. A child who is handed a solution first hears it as being told off.
The true thing beats the soothing thing. “The cup is in the wash” is something a child can be disappointed about and then get past.
Wanting the impossible thing is not a mistake. It is what they want, and this resource agrees with them before it says anything else.
It works far better on a calm day than in the middle of one. Going through it when nothing is happening is what makes the words available the next time something is.

This is a rehearsal tool, not an assessment, and it does not know your child. You decide whether what it says fits them — if a scenario is not right, close it and pick another.

You went to get the toy. Another child picked it up first.

What do you want to happen?

Have it right now — You wanted that toy in your hands right now.
Have got there first — You wanted to be the one who reached it first.
Ask for a turn after — You'd like to ask them for a turn next.
Be cross about it — You can be cross about this.

That toy is in somebody else's hands now. But you can still ask about it.

What can you do next?

Ask for a turn after — Good idea. They only know you want it if you say. You could say: “Can I have a turn after you?”
Play with something else — Yes. Something else can fill the time until then.
Tell a grown-up — Good idea. A grown-up can help sort out the turns. You could say: “I wanted that toy. Someone else has it.”

They have it now. Asking is the thing you can do.

For the grown-up: The wanting does not stop because somebody else got there first, and saying that out loud costs nothing. Say what he wanted before you suggest the asking. The request goes much better once he has been agreed with first.

All 33 situations