Plans changing

The plan changed

What happened

Two picture cards, the first one crossed out and a new one beside it

You were playing a game. Somebody changed the rules partway through.

What do you want to happen?

For the grown-up

The want here is not the game, it is the version she already had in her head. She did not agree to the change and nobody asked her, which is most of the upset. Asking which bit she wanted keeps her in the conversation rather than outside it.

Say what they wanted before you say what can happen. A child who is handed a solution first hears it as being told off.
The true thing beats the soothing thing. “The cup is in the wash” is something a child can be disappointed about and then get past.
Wanting the impossible thing is not a mistake. It is what they want, and this resource agrees with them before it says anything else.
It works far better on a calm day than in the middle of one. Going through it when nothing is happening is what makes the words available the next time something is.

This is a rehearsal tool, not an assessment, and it does not know your child. You decide whether what it says fits them — if a scenario is not right, close it and pick another.

You were playing a game. Somebody changed the rules partway through.

What do you want to happen?

Play the old way — You wanted to keep playing the way you knew.
Know why it changed — You want somebody to tell you what changed.
Ask for the old way next time — You'd like the old way back another day.
Stop playing — You didn't want to play once it changed.

Somebody else has already changed the rules. But you can say what you wanted.

What can you do now?

Play the new way once — Okay. One go tells you what the new way is like.
Ask about the new rules — Good idea. A game is easier to play once you know it. You could say: “What are the new rules?”
Ask about next time — Good idea. Nobody knows which way you liked unless you say. You could say: “Can we do it the old way next time?”

The rules changed. You can say which way you liked.

For the grown-up: The want here is not the game, it is the version she already had in her head. She did not agree to the change and nobody asked her, which is most of the upset. Asking which bit she wanted keeps her in the conversation rather than outside it.

All 33 situations